What is a Missing Peace Marriage Upcycle
Upcycling
Upcycling is really popular these days. I'm so impressed by someone making a desk lamp from an old style phone. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines upcycling as "to recycle something in such a way that the resulting product is of a higher value than the original item” and "to create an object of greater value from a discarded object of lesser value.” At The Missing Peace, our goal is more than just repairing or restoring broken marriages. We aim to upcyle marriages to something of greater value and potential than the original marriage had.
A Missing Peace Marriage Upcycle generally takes about 2 to 4 months and comprises four stages.
Stage 1 - Intake
In stage 1, we get to know you. Both spouses will be provided an intake questionnaire to collect basic contact and background information and to give you a first chance to describe the problem you are facing and what you have been doing about it. Once we have reviewed your intake information, we'll schedule a meeting with both of you to hear you tell us your story. We understand that there will be differences in how each of you experienced and remember the events that have led you to where you are, and that is OK. We are just here to hear and understand each of you.
This intake meeting will take roughly 90 minutes. In addition to hearing your stories, we'll introduce ourselves, address some important distinctives of our ministry, and provide some initial insights into how we think we can help.
Stage 2 - Individual Heart Work
In Matthew 15:18, Jesus teaches that "what comes from the mouth comes from the heart." (CSB) Much is made of communication skills in marriage, but communication skills will always serve the values of the heart, so our focus in phase 2 is to understand where the behaviors that are bringing tension to your marriage are under the rule of your heart. We begin with a general biblical understanding of conflict and how to be good stewards of the conflict we face in our lives. We learn how peace with God, peace with others, and inner peace are connected and we learn the incredible importance of trusting God instead of controlling our worlds.
Next, we move to the role our hearts play in our conflicts.
James 4:1 (NIV) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
We seek to help each individual understand this process and take ownership for their portion of the tensions, no matter how small.
In stage 2, each spouse will meet weekly with a team member for roughly an hour and a half. Clients located near us in Northwest Houston, TX, will generally meet in person. Out-of-town clients will meet using the Zoom platform. Husbands will be paired with a male team member, and wives will be paired with a female member. Each week, you will have a reading assignment and a journalling assignment to complete, which will together, take about 90 minutes of your time. You will be expected to return the journalling assignment to your assigned team member at least 24 hours before your weekly meeting so the team member can review your work and prepare for a productive time together. There will be a minimum of six of these assignments, although some may take more than one week to complete or discuss.
When both spouses have made sufficient progress to be ready for productive conversation we will move to Stage 3.
Stage 3 - Intensive Marriage Mediation
The Intensive Marriage Mediations are held near our location in Houston, TX. Out-of-town clients will be responsible for travel to and from Houston, TX, transportation while here, and meals and accommodations. In many cases, we can help arrange very affordable lodging at a convenient location.
The Intensive Marriage Mediations generally last two to four days, with 2-1/2 days being the most common. Often, couples will find it most convenient to join us over a weekend, with sessions lasting all day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday afternoon. Out-of-town clients will typically arrive Thursday evening and depart Monday morning.
In the Intensive Marriage Mediation, we will agree on the issues to be addressed. These may be personal issues where hurts need to be addressed or material issues where agreements simply need to be made. Conversations often flow between personal and material issues as they overlap. We typically try to address the most serious issues first, and then the lesser issues will be resolved more easily.
At the end of the Intensive Marriage Mediation, we document the important scriptures and principles that are a part of the couple's reconciliation, as well as any important confessions and forgiveness that have occurred, and finally we document any agreements that have been reached. We also document a plan for the couple to handle future issues.
At this point, many couples are finally able to begin to move forward without our regular assistance and apply what they have learned in a safe and peaceful environment.
Stage 4 - Follow-up
Even when genuine heart change has occurred, we continue to face the temptation to trust in ourselves and fight for our way. We understand that applying these principles on your own will take practice, and we do not intend to leave you alone. After the Intensive Marriage Mediation, we will schedule a series of follow-ups, which over time occur less and less frequently, to check in on you and address any ongoing issues or questions that arise. Eventually, we will veer off, and you will continue your journey to the marriage that God intended for you.